On Writing

I’m too ambitious for my own work ethic. I want to write a book? Great, let’s spend an hour and a half designing a crappy cover with Microsoft Paint and writing fake reviews for this nonexistent book. I don’t mean to brag, but BestWriters.com called me “the voice of my generation” and said my novel was the best thing to grace the literature world since To Kill a Mockingbird. Still, even without any words on paper, I believe one day I can get myself to that level of praise for my writing. I write because I love writing. I love putting the crazy ideas inside of my brain onto paper – or in this case a blog (follow4follow pls). Despite the fact that I am nowhere near the best, I am confident and happy to share my work with the world.

Just not teachers.

Last semester, my English teacher gave us so many writing assignments. I can handle expository work, but when it comes to narratives I am so scared to hand them in. Will the teacher understand my voice? Will they get the jokes? Will they…oh, I got the paper back. Time to quickly look at the grade but gloss over the notes and my writing before I cringe. Wait, a 97? But how? I guess I have to check out the notes now.

I still don’t understand how that particular work was something my teacher thought was worth a 97, much less wanting to keep it. I didn’t even give it to her. I don’t want her using it as an example for students in the future. They need to be protected to that kind of cringe.

Why is it that work I think is my best often gets glanced over by teachers? Why are those the assignments that get Cs? Why is the work I am least proud of and never want anyone to see the work that lands me As and gets put on teacher’s walls?

What if I’m not as good as I thought I was and what if I’m not as bad as I thought I was?

Why Do I Blog?

I love writing. In first grade, I decided that I was going to be an author. I mean, how hard could it be? Back then, the only writing I did had a six-sentence limit and I got to draw a cute picture along with it. Since then, my career choices have evolved from author to artist to politician to actor to teacher and then back to author. Well, sort of. More like television writer. But still, I love writing all forms. That’s why I started this blog. I plan to publish political and social commentary, television reviews/analysis, short stories about my life, poems, reflection pieces, and anything else that comes to my mind. Yes, that’s a lot for one blog to focus on but I am far too scatterbrained to focus on just one thing. I just want to write whatever I want to write and get some feedback.

If you are looking to get to know me a little better, you should know I basically like everything. I’d like to think of myself as a positive and happy person, but like everyone else there are things that just irk me. Maybe what we have in common is our dislike for certain things. To start off, I hate mushrooms, sand, dust, Donald Trump and his cabinet,  writer’s block, waiting a year for Netflix shows to come back, sexism, and above all else: the overuse of the words “cringe” and “lit”.

Other than that, you can expect me to like everything else. Especially Hamilton.

 

I also really love cheese.

Yes, Bee Can: A Reverse Poem Inspired By “Bee Movie”

I know that Bee Movie memes aren’t “dank” anymore, but if people can still use the word “lit” and it be acceptable then I can write a poem about Bee Movie.

Yes, Bee Can: A Reverse Poem Inspired By Bee Movie

According to all known laws of aviation
There is no way a bee should be able to fly
Don’t you dare try and tell me
Their wings are big enough to lift their small bodies off of the ground
The truth is
Bees are stupid
It is a false belief that
Bees can fall in love with humans
I am certain that
Bees do not like jazz
I will not accept the concept that
Bees fly anyway
Bees care what humans think is impossible, unless we reverse it.

Crazy Ex-Shakespeare: Fitting The Songs of “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” into “Romeo and Juliet”

When we read Romeo and Juliet in my ninth-grade literature class, our teacher assigned us a project where we could make a soundtrack to go along with the play. Most students used the obvious choices like The All-American Rejects’ “Dirty Little Secret” or Taylor Swift’s “Love Story”. When I was making my own soundtrack I included those cliche songs as well, but as I was listening to the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend for the millionth time, I realized I didn’t want to be basic. I wanted to be extra™. That’s when I decided I would connect the songs from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend to Romeo and Juliet. That’s how Crazy Ex-Shakespeare emerged. I took songs from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and connected them to certain scenes and themes from Romeo and Juliet. Also, each title has a link that takes you to the song so you can listen as you read!

SPOILER ALERT! Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Romeo and Juliet (duh)

1. “I’m Just A Girl In Love”

“I’m Just A Girl In Love” is the theme song to Crazy Ex-Girlfriend that plays at the beginning of each episode. This song could be considered a prologue of sorts for every episode. For the soundtrack, it serves as a prologue for Romeo and Juliet as well due to the fact that the protagonist, Rebecca, says things like “I’m just a girl in love/I can’t be held responsible for my actions.” While this isn’t like anything Juliet says in Romeo and Juliet, it helps foreshadows the future of something bad happening because she is in love. The chorus also says “they say love makes you crazy”, which it definitely did as Juliet got married to Romeo after one day and then killed herself over him.

2. Thought Bubbles

“Thought Bubbles” is a song from Crazy-Ex Girlfriend about the male protagonist, Josh, trying to stop intrusive thoughts after he breaks up with his girlfriend, Rebecca.  This could be compared to Romeo’s constant thoughts about Rosaline before he meets Juliet for the first time in Romeo and Juliet. The lyric “I used to like guacamole, now I don’t like guacamole/What if I stop liking other things I like?” can prove this as Romeo was in love with Rosaline, but when he met Juliet he stopped loving her. Also, Josh is alone with his thoughts at the moment just like Romeo was when he was thinking about Rosaline.

3. One Indescribable Instant

“One Indescribable Instant” is a song that takes place at a wedding during Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. It is about the moment when you are in love with somebody and that is all that matters. When the whole world falls away. This is very true in Romeo and Juliet when you consider the fact that when Romeo and Juliet first met it was love at first sight. They said “I love you” to each other at the beginning of their first conversation. “One Indescribable Instant” could be the equivalent to Romeo and Juliet’s love at first sight moment, the balcony scene, or their wedding. That instance was magical for the young lovers, and that is what this song is all about.

4. Thought Bubbles (reprise)

This is the reprise of “Thought Bubbles” from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and takes place at a time when Josh meets Anna shortly after breaking up with Rebecca. This applies to Romeo and Juliet because it can show, alongside “One Indescribable Instant” the first time that Romeo and Juliet meet. It  shows that Juliet made Romeo forget about Rosaline, because the song has Josh counting and every time Anna interrupts him he has to start over.

5. Angry Mad

“Angry Mad” is a very short song from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and takes place when Josh is upset about seeing someone with his ex-girlfriend. Josh is mad about seeing Greg with Rebecca, much like Tybalt is mad about seeing Romeo with Greg. Over all, the lyrics reflect his angry attitude which Tybalt keeps throughout the entire play. The lyric “Why do I feel this way?!” makes sense in this situation because Tybalt’s reason to be so mad at Romeo doesn’t make much sense. This song is basically seen as Tybalt throwing a fit at the party.

6. What a Rush to be a Bride

“What a Rush To Be a Bride” comes at a point in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend when Rebecca is marrying Josh. The yelling in the song as well as the title “What a Rush To Be a Bride” show how eager she is to marry Josh and how quick the wedding happens. This applies to Romeo and Juliet as Romeo and Juliet got married the day after they met and they were so eager to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. Even more interesting for Crazy Ex-Shakespeare are certain lyrics from the song. The lyrics “DARKNESS!…/SACRIFICE!…/EVIL!…” can also be foreshadowing for Romeo and Juliet. (darkness = the deaths of Mercutio, Tybalt, Paris, Romeo and Juliet; sacrifice = Juliet and Romeo both sacrificed their lives for each other; and evil = Tybalt. As well as that, “What a Rush to be a Bride” juxtapositions happiness with darkness, much like Romeo and Juliet did with the happy events (wedding, party, balcony scene, etc.) along with dark/depressing events (Tybalt, Mercutio, Romeo, Paris, and Juliet’s death).

7. After Everything I’ve Done For You (That You Didn’t Ask For)

“After Everything I’ve Done For You” comes at a point in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend when Paula learns that Rebecca is sleeping with Josh’s best friend and is no longer pursuing Josh.  This applies to Romeo and Juliet because I see it as the “angry mom and dad” scene (act 3, scene 7) where they are upset that Juliet is refusing to marry Paris. What they say in their speeches is the equivalent of the common parental saying “after everything I’ve done for you”, therefore this song is the perfect choice. The lyric “so now it’s time for me to walk out” show how the parents said if Juliet defies them she is disowned from them.  The lyric from Rebecca “I didn’t ask for [all the things Paula’s done for her]” shows that Juliet did not want to marry Paris even though her parents were very excited about it and thought they were helping her out..

Weird Stuff I Found At Goodwill

I love going to Goodwill. Sometimes you find really cool things that are in good condition and cheap like a nice shirt or some books. However, sometimes you find things like a men’s cheetah print onesie or the entire discography of Disney Mania and you question humanity. Or you find a vintage lunchbox that has picture of Hannah Montana on it and wonder where it’s been your entire life. (I would have been the coolest kid with that thing back in 2007, I’m telling ya!). I even went to a Goodwill THREE cities over from where I live and found spirit wear from my high school. These are just a tiny fraction of the weird things I have found from my most recent trips to Goodwill. So, I’ve compiled a list of 15 of the weirdest things I have found during my last two trips to Goodwill.

15. This Bear With Too Many StitchesBear With Too Many Stitches

I have too many questions about this bear. Why does it have so many stitches? Why is it a fake teddy bear? Who makes fake teddy bears when teddy bears are already fake? Why is it dressed like Santa? Is this some sort of Five Nights at Freddy’s reference? I’m very confused here.

14. Framed Fake FlowerFake Flower

The fake flower looks exactly like the flower that Jane hung on her wall in Jane The Virgin. It has the same colors and everything. However, the real reason it is on this list is because of the fact it is a lamp that lights up in a strange place. When you turn it in on, only a little bit of light shines through and it isn’t even through the hole. Why?

13. Soccer Trophy With The Engraving RemovedSoccer Trophy.png

Who decides to donate a trophy to Goodwill? No one is going to see it and be like “Huh, this will be a great accent piece for my living room!” I really want a story about the journey of this trophy and how it ended up at Goodwill.

12. Santa Claus ThreesomeSanta Claus Threesome

It makes sense for there to be three Santas delivering toys as it would be very efficient. But if that’s the case, why are they all together? Maybe they are done delivering toys and getting ready for some activity that Mrs. Claus doesn’t need to know about. I ship it. Get ready, because Santa x Santa x Santa is the fan-fiction you’ve all been waiting for.

11. Fresh Popcorn vs. Regular PopcornFresh vs. Regular Popcorn

It’s already pretty extra to buy your own popcorn container, but to buy a separate one for your fresh popcorn and another for your regular is a whole new level of extra. And this is coming from me, the guy so extra he started a blog. At the very least, it makes for good “Me vs. You” memes.

10. Fake ProgressoAn Impasta

It looks like this soup is an impasta! (I included this just because I wanted to make this pun.) By the way, the soup was inside of a bag of other fake food toys donated to Goodwill. I’ve always hated the thought of food toys. People are starving all over the world and people would rather use their money to buy a fake can of soup that, by the looks of it, will end up at Goodwill one day.

9. Wear Your Friends!Snap Shots Of Your Friends

The saddest part of this poorly-made bracelet where you insert pictures of your friends is the thought of someone with no friends who just wears the picrues that come with it and pretend they have friends.

Stacey: Wow Patricia, I haven’t met your friends. Are they even real?

Patricia: *nervous laughing* Of course they are! They go to another school*!

*They do go to another school but that doesn’t change the fact that Patricia doesn’t know them.

8. Probably The Result Of Your Dog DyingSpoiled Dachshund

R.I.P. Dachshund. Is it okay if I name you Reggie? If you’re a girl it can be short for Regina. Maybe I’m reading the situation wrong and these people realized they were degrading their dog by letting the whole neighborhood know his or her’s business. It’s 2017; dogs are people too.

7. A Chainsaw On Top Of A TVChainsaw on TV

This isn’t really an item, but instead is an example of modern art. I love how someone decided they didn’t want the Goodwill chainsaw anymore and instead of putting it back on the rack that is literally RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE TVs where chainsaws would go, they just put it on top of the TV. Who knows, maybe somebody brought a chainsaw into Goodwill planning a massacre but flaked out last  minute.

6. A PassportFake Passport

Who would donate a passport to Goodwill? It was empty, at least. It might’ve been fake but that then begs the question: Who needs a fake passport? Then to that I have to ask: Who needs to donate a fake passport?

5. A Cup Literally Bigger Than My HeadBehemoth Cup

This cup has to be like 50 ounces, minimum.I sincerely hope nobody plans to put coffee or wine inside of it because it is basically a water cooler. I would be lying if I said I didn’t consider buying it. (I love cups, what can I say?)

4. Frozen CupFrozen Cup

This time around, the cup is like 5 ounces. At least it isn’t that behemoth Bubba Keg, but it’s still a Frozen cup. This is just when I thought we escaped the movie madness. I would say kudos to whoever donated it, but that would be like encouraging a drug dealer to put meth into the world.

3. A Woman Worshiping A FlowerWomen Worshipping Flower

Okay, so it’s not technically a woman worshiping a flower. I pushed a flower figurine with a praying woman figuring because they looked freaking hilarious together. I’m not wrong, am I?

2. A Guide To ProstatesProstate Guide

Sorry pervs, literary classic The Prostate: A Guide For Men And The Women Who Love Them is about prostate cancer, not sex. I thought that until I took a deeper look at the title and realized it is saying the women love the men and don’t want them to get prostate cancer, not that the women love the men’s prostates. They could’ve had me fooled.

1. Creepy DollsCreepy Dolls

Weirdly enough, this isn’t even half of the dolls that were on the shelf. These dolls, to be honest, freak me out. I wonder if they were donated by one person with a butt load of dolls or if this particular Goodwill happens to receive a lot of doll donations. Either way, these are hands down the weirdest things on the list.